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The Regretted Kick

As Clare once said we are up shit creek. Well the world is.

I won't lie to you, I'm finding it hard to read, to write and well, to do anything. However, I promise to you that there will be no mention of the C word and I don't mean the see you next tuesday word either.

Instead I believe a good laugh is what we all need and I've been thinking on what I could possibly write about that would make you laugh or make you think of anything else but what is going on in the world. I did write a wonderful, funny story but it got deleted and now I can't be arsed to rewrite it. So now I am scratching my head trying to think of something funny and well. Nothing. I've drawn a blank I'm afraid.


Could I? Its not exactly the best but then again I think we all need a laugh.

Ok maybe its time.

Ladies and Gentlemen brace yourself I'm about to tell you the story of Phoebe's Kick.

It was a nickname given to be by two boys from my GCSE history class. I won't mention there names because well. I don't want to, they know who they are and I doubt they even read this blog. All you need to know is that it was a name that followed me for the following 3? 4 years?

I was part of the girls football team. A goalkeeper and I loved nothing more than impressing the boys with my 'skills'. At primary I was part of the boys football team and the opposition would always underestimate me and so to prove them wrong was something I very much enjoyed. To see the shock in there faces was brilliant. Except at secondary school football was a strictly boys sport and only a few girls actually joined the girls team. I wanted to prove that I wasn't a girly girl, that I was sporty and could play footie. So I would join there conversation in class and talk football except I didn't fully understand it myself. The leagues that is. I could play though and I would talk about how good I was. Looking back on it I am screaming at myself to shut up. To stop making an absolute twat of myself.

It was getting warmer and that meant we were allowed to be on the grass at break and lunch time. I would sit in a circle with my group of friends opposite the larger field where the boys played football. I was itching to play, but I couldn't because I didn't fit in with the group and I was way to shy to ask if I could play with them. Expecting them to laugh at me and say no.

One day I was stood with my friends during break when I saw the boy's football fly past us. I looked at the runaway ball and was thinking, I could kick it back to them. I could launch it like I used to when I was part of the team. It would also be impressive as well.

There is many versions of this next part. What with the two boys telling and expanding the story, adding there own twists to it. Here's my version.

I was itching to kick it back to them, to prove myself. I looked at the ball and back to the boys who had stopped running around, waiting to see if anyone would kick it back to them. I made a choice. I ran for the ball stopped it from moving any further away. I thought maybe I'd volley it first and then launch it over to them. That was my theory anyway. I rolled my foot of the top of it and flipped it under so it bounced. I then took a step back and swung my foot round so it came into contact with the ball. It was going so well but I didn't have my foot in the right angle and the ball flew in the opposite direction to where it needed to go. Bollocks. I ran back to my friends who were laughing and I hung my head in shame. Hoping that the two boys from my History class didn't see my failure.

They did.

As soon as the History lesson started they burst out laughing and I felt humiliated. Stupid and pathetic. I like to think I took there teasing well. Except one of them I can't remember which one, started the name Phoebe's Kick and well that was it. That was the name I had for the following years. I just gave as good as I got off them and it was all harmless fun but whenever someone questioned why they called me that, they would retell the story but add something new into it. Making me relive it all over again.

Yeah it was embarrassing and felt like the worse thing that could happen to me back then. But now I just look back and laugh. It was ridiculous and hilarious. I made a right tit of myself but it taught me to not to brag about myself as it could just blow up in my face.

So when I met Amanda I never mentioned what sport I used to play or the fact that I can play football unless asked. Last summer when dad bought Archie some football nets in the back-garden it came to an utter shock. I'd known Amanda for over a year and we were drinking wine in the deck chairs while dad, Jake and Archie played football trying to score past Archie, who is built like a tank by the way. The ball flew over to us and hit Amanda, I got up and handed her my glass. I dribbled the ball past Jake, volleyed it over my dad and then launched it into the top corner of the net past Archie. We all burst out laughing while Amanda shouted: "What the fuck Phoebe!"

"What?" I shrugged my shoulders.

"You didn't tell me you could play?!"

"She was a keeper when she was 14." My dad answered.

It was a great moment, it also made me realise that I play better when I have wine in my body. So I drank some more, a whole bottle in fact and when my cousin, Harry who is seriously good at it came round I realised that drinking the wine was a bad idea.

I woke up the next morning with bruises down the side of my body, when I asked Archie about it he told me that I was running with the ball when Harry tackled me and I did a flip and fell. Sounded like me to be honest. Harry always had been ruthless when it came to sports. He had his friend rugby tackle me out of the pool once, and use to launch footballs in my face for fun. That's cousins for you.

Anyway I'll stop there. I look back on all of this with a smile on my face. It was embarrassing for me don't get me wrong but at the same time it made me the person I am today and I don't regret where I am now. So thank you to the boys that teased me at school and to my brother and cousin. Without you guys I wouldn't have the nerve to talk back and stand my ground.

I hope this read has lightened the mood from the real world.

Stay safe guys and laugh. We need to laugh.

Till next time,

Phoebe's Kick x

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