The Bust Bulb
Several months ago the main light bulb in my bedroom blew and because there was no spare bulbs in the house and I couldn't be bothered to go to the corner shop to buy a replacement I left it. I used my lamp instead so the missing bulb didn't become a problem to me at all. One night, it was dark and raining as it usually does in Yorkshire and my mother had drank one too many. It was late, around eleven at night, which is late for me, I'm a nine o'clock asleep kind of person and once I'm asleep I'm asleep and it would be unwise to wake me for I will no doubt bite your head off. Its fair to say that I hate being woken up, especially by my mother at ungodly hours. I was sock on asleep, covered in my thick duvet, blackout blinds drawn, bedroom door closed shut, stopping the bathroom light shining through. Firstly, I hear her walking across the landing walking into the walls and I'm there praying she just walks past my door and goes to bed. I prayed but no. She attempts to open my door, (which you have to have a knack for to open) and she comes through, stay still don't move, don't move. It was like that scene in Jurassic Park:The Lost world where the T-Rex enters the tent where the woman and child are sleeping and they have to stay incredibly still or else the T-Rex will pounce on them and then death. Well it was like that except the dinosaur was my mother, she walks in and stands at the end of my bed, "Phoebe?" she says quietly. Don't move, don't move. She walks round so shes now standing beside where I'm sleeping. Don't move, don't move. "Phoebe." She says a little louder, "Phoebe. Phoebe. Phoebe." She nudges my arm with her hand, starting off gentle and getting more abrupt. Don't move pretend your dead, don't move. "PHOEBE ARE YOU AWAKE!" She shouts loud and clearly as if I'm deaf. Don't react, remember what happened in Jurassic park. She shakes me but I don't react, its getting harder and harder not to react. After realising that I'm not awake she moves to walk out of my room, stopping at the door and I think, yes I've done it, I've not reacted. Just as I'm celebrating in my thoughts she begins to flick the light switch, on and off, on and off, realising that its not working. "Why is this damn thing not bloody working?" She stands there confused flicking the switch, I find this hilarious, she failed to wake me up with her voice and nudging and now she can't wake me with the light. I accidentally let a laugh out, small but loud enough to hear. Shit! I pretend to snore like a pro, she stops, "Phoebe are you awake?" She sounds annoyed rather than pleased. Bollocks! She walks out of my room but leaves my door wide open, don't get up its a test, she'll know your awake if you get up to shut it, but its so annoying I argue back to myself. Leave it remember the T-Rex.... A few minutes pass and then she returns I remain still, I hear her fiddling with something above my head. No? Surely she isn't? Oh but she is, she's replacing the bulb. She wouldn't would she? She walks back to the light switch and flicks it on igniting a great thud of light into my room. I rise from my bed like Dracula full of fury. "What!" I shout. "Ha ha I knew you weren't asleep." She glows, clearly happy with herself. "I was until you turned the fucking light on!" I snap back. "Don't you swear at me lady Jane." She points at me with serious eyes. "Then don't wake me up. What did you want me for its almost twelve." I say more calm than I feel. "I wanted to know what you wanted for tea tomorrow." I look at her blankly, is she serious? Is this woman being for real? I get out of bed and push her out of my bedroom, close the door and turn the light off. Did the woman really come into my room, late at night to awake me to ask what I wanted for tea which wouldn't be for another 19 hours? Unbelievable. If your wondering she came back 2 hours after this and woke me up to ask if I decided on what I wanted.
After all it was just another day in the life of the Yorkshire Bookworm,
Till next time,