If your new to the blog then allow me to tell you that Clare is my mother. Yes I know its rude to call her Clare and not mum but I find it amusing to call her Clare. Its fair to say that Clare doesn't find it amusing, she hates it.
Since moving away from home I have discovered that there are two types of mums. There the mum's that phone there child up to ask how they are, whats going off and general things. The kind of mums that text you daily to make sure your alright and eating enough. Then there the other mum, the one that isn't interested in your day but just really wants to rant at someone and tell them how unfair life is. Clare is that mum, since being here she has phoned me to tell me the following:
1) The kitchen has flooded. (it didn't flood the dishwasher was leaking)
2) My brother is sleeping in my bed and is leaving crap all over my room.
3) My plants need watering and re-potting, I don't think she realises that I can't just catch a train to water the buggers.
4) She's going on holiday on Xmas eve with her new boyfriend, the terms of divorce state that its her turn to have me and my brother. Hopefully John and Amanda won't mind having us.
5) Nan called her fat. (Nan calls everyone fat)
6) She's got no money and needs a borrow. (I'm a student who can barely afford milk.)
7) Someone crashed into my car. (No. Someone scratched the door and left a tiny mark.)
However, these could be considered as just being mild conversations that aren't really that bad and that most of the people who read this little blog will be able to relate too I'm sure. But how many of you can relate to this. Sunday I got a phone call off Clare so I answered and she told me that she had gone into Town with my aunty Karen, her sister, and they had popped into Ann Summers. Literally this is how the conversation started, not a hello, how are you? No Ann Summers. Clare said, "There was an offer on the toys so me and your aunty Karen bought a new one each, this morning I thought I'd give it a try only that it doesn't work!" I have nothing against women using toys but lets face it, I don't want to know that my mother of 43 is using them. So naturally instead of putting the phone down I said, "Have you got the right batteries." I mean I should of just shut up then because she just got worse. I think I've come to the conclusion that not only does Clare not have a filter but I don't think she sees the line of mother and daughter as she continues to cross it time and time again.
I feel like we all have embarrassing mothers, Clare is certainly one of them, especially when shes had a drink and there a dance floor. Therefore if you see a tall, blonde woman called Clare beware and run.
After all this is just an average day in the life as the Yorkshire Bookworm,
Till next time,