Drunk brother and phobias.
We all have phobias, after all we are all human. If we didn't have phobias then we'd all be fearless and where the fun in that? Watching people squirm at there phobias are fun and hilarious from the outside, actually being the person whose squirming, not so much. For starters I'm A Celebrity wouldn't be the success that it is if we didn't enjoy watching people's discomfort. People have fears of heights, holes, the dark, moths, blood even bananas! Yes some people are afraid of banana! How ridiculous is that!
My phobia is spiders. It doesn't matter about the size of the spider, it could be the smallest of thing and I'd still shit myself. Not literally. But enough for me to jump out of my skin. Anyway, my phobia's that bad that I won't even sleep with the windows open or during the day in fear that I will be smothered by spiders. My room gets unbearably warm at night and Clare is always complaining that my room smells but I always respond with, "Probably gone nose blind." I mean I'm the only one who sleeps in there so its not a problem to me.
The point to this story is that after school or whenever I'd been out for the day, on a hot day, I'd come home to find my windows wide open. I would shut them immediately and tell her off for being so irresponsible in which she would tell me to stop being so ridiculous. However, I was not being ridiculous for every time I've had my windows open I would find a bloody spider in my room. The most recent one was when I came home tipsy after being at my dads. However, I had to walk my brother home as well as he was very merry from having a very strong vodka and coke, he was practically swaying from side to side swearing he was fine. Yeah right Archie we've all been there done that can't fool us mate. When we arrived home we were greeted by Clare who was standing in the kitchen awaiting our return like a James Bond villain. "Good time?" She asks her eyebrows raised. Me and Archie stand straight trying not to break into a smile and laugh, "Yeah it was alright, nothing to write home about. Night!" I say walking up the stairs while Archie continues to sway in the doorway. I walk into my room to find that my window has been open and I shut it and close my curtains. As I turn to take me shoes off I see to my horror a huge black spider near my other shoes. "Fuckkkkkkk Offffffff!" I scream. Clare, still downstairs, "Oi stop swearing!" She shouts up at me. I run out of my room, tears threatening to burst (obviously down to the wine) and I stand at the top of the stairs. "Sorry but there's a fucking spider in my bloody room!" I wail, its at this point I hear the two of them burst out laughing. Mimicking me and taking the absolute piss. "Its not funny please someone get it out!" Usually in these situations Archie would come and get it out for me, a sober Archie that is. Except the Archie that is walking into the walls as he makes his way upstairs is not sober but pissed. "I'll get it for you drama queen." He pushes past me and I point the spider out to him, he grabs a tub and a piece of paper. "I've got this." His face grew serious, Rambo serious. He leans forward to catch it only to fall while doing it, missing the spider completely and it runs straight under my bed. Can say bye to sleeping tonight. "Archie!" He looks at me smile on his face, innocent eyes as if he didn't understand the trauma. "Wow, don't know whats wrong me, I've never missed a spider before." He gets up and pats me on the shoulder, closing my door behind me, leaving me in this prison.
Its fair to say that I didn't sleep a wink that night, for the paranoia of having that spider crawl on my face in the night or tunnel into my ears. You see that stuff on facebook all the time, with people having a spider stuck in there ear, just the thought of it is making me shiver. Four days after the invasion of that bloody spider, I come home to find it on my bedroom floor. How'd I know it was that spider I hear you say? Oh it was him alright. Except the spider was dead. I still had to get Clare to remove it though. It turns out that when Archie fell he must of injured the spider leaving it to die a very long and painful death under my bed.
After all it was just another day in the life of the Yorkshire Bookworm,
Till next time,